So, I'm a waitress now. Officially, I believe . . . . Training is 3 day shifts as a server, 3 night shifts as a server, & 2 shifts as a host. Tonight, I get a night shift as a hostess & Tuesday, I get my morning shift as a hostess. As far as I'm concerned, I have no more shifts as a server with a trainer, so I am officially a server. (Shut up . . . it makes sense.) And as a trainee, I've already had quite the experience.
Day One, Day shift: Discover all the duties of a server & nurse a growing fear that I'm screwed.
Day Two, Day shift: Study menu, lessen fear, Smile excessively.
Day Three, Night shift: Piss off the manager on duty. Good job. Try not to laugh when trainer draws a whipped cream penis on her friend's plate. Fail not to laugh when friend screams, "IS THAT A PENIS?!?!" in the midedle of a full restaurant.
Day Four, Night shift: Piss off the same manager, stammer instead of explain, swallow fear while serving a table of 16.
Day Five, Day shift: Serve by myself, get specifically requested by a customer, smile at compliments & good wishes all day, try to keep my ego in check.
Day Six, Night shift: Go in sick, serve table of 34, CLEAN table of 34, find condom on the floor, furrow brow, continue evening, manage to not drop salad dishes when the cook spilled searing hot chili on me, clock out an hour & a half after the end of the shift.
And on the seventh day, I shall rest . . . until I go in for training as the host.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Rockapella's Swift Entrance
So, my mother & I accidentally stumbled across a group we never knew existed. Everyone else knew about them apparently - we seem to be out of the loop. I wasn't surprised though, if you know ANYTHING about me, you know that if you turn on the radio, unless it's classic rock or oldies, I won't recognize any of the songs.
Well, rockapella - as the phonetically skilled may already know - is an a capella group. My mother & I LOVE a capella. And we accidentally put one of their songs on an MP3 disc . . . The song was "Zombie Jamboree." And my mother discovered its unannounced presence & said, "Oh, Rip, you gotta hear this" & then failed to find it while we were driving - luckily for us both . . . I swear she pays more attention to that console than the road . . . you know that screen in the Prius that tells you what mileage you're getting? Miss Efficient wants to constantly know what mileage she's getting. Me, I'd prefer to know the relative distance between the cars on the road & ME. But, you know, whatever oodles your noodles.
Eventually, she shared the song with me & it's just one of those things that falls short of description . . . the only way I can describe it is it makes you smile with a furrowed brow. Kind of - 'this is awesome, but what the hell??' And it interested me. And again, if you know me, you know when I get interested, I do research. My mother is the same way, so while she has a day job & I get time to kill at the computer, she's back-seat-researching. Also, because she has a day job, part of her research involved purchasing a DVD of a concert of theirs . . . I'll come back to that.
Now, I love bass singers, but who doesn't? My mother's theory is that the human race is evolving . . . we've been getting taller. And in order to continue to get taller, the taller people have to be more attractive. Taller men tend to have lower voices - which are instictually more attractive . . . for the evolution, you see. Taller women tend to be rockettes. And there you have it.
Now, as a side note, proportions come into play with taller men as well - & that's great, I'm sure . . . if you're getting laid. Not so much if you're . . . oh, saaay . . . in a scene where you have to kiss at the end & your blocking puts you an inch away from the guy's face & by unhappy coincidence, you happened to break your toe before the performance & his BIG FEET land on your BROKEN TOE while you're supposed to be all romantic & seduced!! No, Will. You will never live that down. Cause, um . . . OW! Also, it's good advertising for me because no one could tell. *Insert uncrushable pride here*
Anywho . . . in most a capella arrangements, the bass is pretty much background & you don't really hear him unless you're specifically listening for him. But he was unusually centerstage for the beginning of the song & has this laugh worked into the music that just makes me grin every time I hear it. Kelly decided to be a smartass & point out that it's actually kinda how I sound when I laugh - of course, I've gotten a lot of comments on my laugh, which is apparently uncommonly low . . . & in most cases described as evil . . . or diabolical . . . you know, the usual when it comes to me. Thanks a bunch, Kelly.
So I looked up the group, read in places that the bass, Barry Carl, is considered - I wish I could remember the wording . . . but basically, that he was the most influential bass singer of the time. WELL, I saw some videos, watched some members of the group get replaced & then found out that Barry Carl retired from the group in 2002 - the last original member. Now, call me picky, but I think when the members of the group have completely rotated to the point that it's not actually anything close to resembling the original group . . . changing the name or something might be a not-too-shabby idea . . . I got pissed when Freddy Murcury got replaced. No. Queen is Queen & I don't listen to their music that stretches past Freddy's time. That's just the way I am. If i like something, I generally don't like people screwing with it.
There were some fun videos on youtube when they were all together in the beginning & it was wonderful. A capella. And quite a bit of performance in there too . . . As I said, my mother purchased a DVD . . . instead of four members, there were five. They added a beatbox guy. In my opinion, it's impressive & it makes a nice sound, but it takes away some of the a capella feel . . . & a capella is beautiful. Which brings me to another thing . . . the song Stand by me - it's a beautiful song. And if you leave it the hell alone, it will stay beautiful. But if you go inventing notes, people who love the original lose interest immediately. If done properly with an a capella arrangement, it would be a thing of beauty. Quite frankly, it wasn't.
Another song I stumbled across that they performed was Flat Tire, which had a GREAT presentation, was fun, & sounded great. And it just seemed like the group didn't sing that type of music anymore. Actually, it seems as though the group has stayed with the times. Unfortunately, that's something I don't do well. So I discovered a great group . . . & then shortly thereafter discovered that I missed them. Woops . . .
And my mother & I spent a great deal of time on youtube . . . & we found many songs, many performances, & many different combinations of group members. Then we found a song that was just the bass. But it was kinda mumbly . . . so I couldn't hear the words. And I leaned in & squinted & my mother knew the song, so when I leaned back suddenly, blushed & said, "oh . . ." she laughed her ass off. The song was Sixty-Minute Man. Totally about sex.
So, we're going through youtube stuff after the concert & they said something about kids yelling for them to "Do it, Rockapella!" when they sang Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego. So we were trying to find a video of that . . . or, my mother was . . . I wasn't really that interested. But we stumbled across The chipmunks doing Carmen Sandiego - which isn't the chipminks, it's just a distortion of the rockapella performance. I shit you not, we sat in our chairs in front of the computer laughing so hard that neither of us could breathe. And it didn't get old as the song progressed. We laughed until we nearly fell off the chairs, in fact, I would have if she hadn't caught me. It's just too much. And now I have a headache from laughing so hard - which is why I can't sleep - which is why I'm posting this blog that let's face it, maybe two people read & probably no one really cares about.
But hey, . . . no, wait . . . I don't have a 'but hey' . . . that's kinda sad.
Well, rockapella - as the phonetically skilled may already know - is an a capella group. My mother & I LOVE a capella. And we accidentally put one of their songs on an MP3 disc . . . The song was "Zombie Jamboree." And my mother discovered its unannounced presence & said, "Oh, Rip, you gotta hear this" & then failed to find it while we were driving - luckily for us both . . . I swear she pays more attention to that console than the road . . . you know that screen in the Prius that tells you what mileage you're getting? Miss Efficient wants to constantly know what mileage she's getting. Me, I'd prefer to know the relative distance between the cars on the road & ME. But, you know, whatever oodles your noodles.
Eventually, she shared the song with me & it's just one of those things that falls short of description . . . the only way I can describe it is it makes you smile with a furrowed brow. Kind of - 'this is awesome, but what the hell??' And it interested me. And again, if you know me, you know when I get interested, I do research. My mother is the same way, so while she has a day job & I get time to kill at the computer, she's back-seat-researching. Also, because she has a day job, part of her research involved purchasing a DVD of a concert of theirs . . . I'll come back to that.
Now, I love bass singers, but who doesn't? My mother's theory is that the human race is evolving . . . we've been getting taller. And in order to continue to get taller, the taller people have to be more attractive. Taller men tend to have lower voices - which are instictually more attractive . . . for the evolution, you see. Taller women tend to be rockettes. And there you have it.
Now, as a side note, proportions come into play with taller men as well - & that's great, I'm sure . . . if you're getting laid. Not so much if you're . . . oh, saaay . . . in a scene where you have to kiss at the end & your blocking puts you an inch away from the guy's face & by unhappy coincidence, you happened to break your toe before the performance & his BIG FEET land on your BROKEN TOE while you're supposed to be all romantic & seduced!! No, Will. You will never live that down. Cause, um . . . OW! Also, it's good advertising for me because no one could tell. *Insert uncrushable pride here*
Anywho . . . in most a capella arrangements, the bass is pretty much background & you don't really hear him unless you're specifically listening for him. But he was unusually centerstage for the beginning of the song & has this laugh worked into the music that just makes me grin every time I hear it. Kelly decided to be a smartass & point out that it's actually kinda how I sound when I laugh - of course, I've gotten a lot of comments on my laugh, which is apparently uncommonly low . . . & in most cases described as evil . . . or diabolical . . . you know, the usual when it comes to me. Thanks a bunch, Kelly.
So I looked up the group, read in places that the bass, Barry Carl, is considered - I wish I could remember the wording . . . but basically, that he was the most influential bass singer of the time. WELL, I saw some videos, watched some members of the group get replaced & then found out that Barry Carl retired from the group in 2002 - the last original member. Now, call me picky, but I think when the members of the group have completely rotated to the point that it's not actually anything close to resembling the original group . . . changing the name or something might be a not-too-shabby idea . . . I got pissed when Freddy Murcury got replaced. No. Queen is Queen & I don't listen to their music that stretches past Freddy's time. That's just the way I am. If i like something, I generally don't like people screwing with it.
There were some fun videos on youtube when they were all together in the beginning & it was wonderful. A capella. And quite a bit of performance in there too . . . As I said, my mother purchased a DVD . . . instead of four members, there were five. They added a beatbox guy. In my opinion, it's impressive & it makes a nice sound, but it takes away some of the a capella feel . . . & a capella is beautiful. Which brings me to another thing . . . the song Stand by me - it's a beautiful song. And if you leave it the hell alone, it will stay beautiful. But if you go inventing notes, people who love the original lose interest immediately. If done properly with an a capella arrangement, it would be a thing of beauty. Quite frankly, it wasn't.
Another song I stumbled across that they performed was Flat Tire, which had a GREAT presentation, was fun, & sounded great. And it just seemed like the group didn't sing that type of music anymore. Actually, it seems as though the group has stayed with the times. Unfortunately, that's something I don't do well. So I discovered a great group . . . & then shortly thereafter discovered that I missed them. Woops . . .
And my mother & I spent a great deal of time on youtube . . . & we found many songs, many performances, & many different combinations of group members. Then we found a song that was just the bass. But it was kinda mumbly . . . so I couldn't hear the words. And I leaned in & squinted & my mother knew the song, so when I leaned back suddenly, blushed & said, "oh . . ." she laughed her ass off. The song was Sixty-Minute Man. Totally about sex.
So, we're going through youtube stuff after the concert & they said something about kids yelling for them to "Do it, Rockapella!" when they sang Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego. So we were trying to find a video of that . . . or, my mother was . . . I wasn't really that interested. But we stumbled across The chipmunks doing Carmen Sandiego - which isn't the chipminks, it's just a distortion of the rockapella performance. I shit you not, we sat in our chairs in front of the computer laughing so hard that neither of us could breathe. And it didn't get old as the song progressed. We laughed until we nearly fell off the chairs, in fact, I would have if she hadn't caught me. It's just too much. And now I have a headache from laughing so hard - which is why I can't sleep - which is why I'm posting this blog that let's face it, maybe two people read & probably no one really cares about.
But hey, . . . no, wait . . . I don't have a 'but hey' . . . that's kinda sad.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Happy Fourth
And a happy time it was. There was a party & grilling & we played on the wii & everyone was telling great stories & mingling in lots of different groups. No actual fireworks - we watched some on TV, but I think this was my first year without them. And interestingly enough, it was my best 4th of July.
We went up to NJ on Thursday & spent the night Thursday & Friday with Brian's family & came home Saturday. The visit really revolved around the party on Friday - we were making food & buying supplies all day Thursday & then Darcy took me to the set of a little online show where they filmed about 10 minutes of material over the course of an hour of screwing around. And it's not like there were a million takes. They were really just screwing around. But it was fun. Then I went back to the house & didn't watch a movie - I sat in the living room where a movie was playing & at one point actually made a decision that was along the lines of - "I can see the movie out of just this eye . . . ." & watching it with one eye for a few minutes before I fell asleep. I woke up for the ending, which luckily did not spoil the movie because it was historically based & I knew the ending anyway.
Friday the party started at 4. Wonderful food, wonderful people, wonderful conversation, crappy jokes that were still funny, & altogether a wonderful time. And, yes there were bad jokes. My mother started it: A guy walked into a dentist's office & said, "Doctor . . . I think I'm a moth" & the dentist said, "Well, why did you come here? You don't need a dentist, you need a psychiatrist" & the guy said, "Well, the light was on." & then Scott - Brian's brother - did his impression of a moth which nearly had me on the floor. He basically leaned into a wall & shook vigorously . . . & it made it somehow just a little bit better that on the way home the next day, a moth got into the car, pressed itself into the windshield, & fluttered frantically. Then a guy asked if we wanted to see Jewish fireworks . . . he lit a match & tossed it into the air. The next morning, we all compared stories because we were all divided & hearing different stories & seeing different fun things.Then we sat around lazily, watched TV, talked, & had a nice lunch of leftover cheddarwurst. Then we played the best freaking game of Taboo I've ever played. Which, you know, is not hard in that household. Any game that group of people play has a magnified effect of fun. I haven't quite figured it out yet.
We went up to NJ on Thursday & spent the night Thursday & Friday with Brian's family & came home Saturday. The visit really revolved around the party on Friday - we were making food & buying supplies all day Thursday & then Darcy took me to the set of a little online show where they filmed about 10 minutes of material over the course of an hour of screwing around. And it's not like there were a million takes. They were really just screwing around. But it was fun. Then I went back to the house & didn't watch a movie - I sat in the living room where a movie was playing & at one point actually made a decision that was along the lines of - "I can see the movie out of just this eye . . . ." & watching it with one eye for a few minutes before I fell asleep. I woke up for the ending, which luckily did not spoil the movie because it was historically based & I knew the ending anyway.
Friday the party started at 4. Wonderful food, wonderful people, wonderful conversation, crappy jokes that were still funny, & altogether a wonderful time. And, yes there were bad jokes. My mother started it: A guy walked into a dentist's office & said, "Doctor . . . I think I'm a moth" & the dentist said, "Well, why did you come here? You don't need a dentist, you need a psychiatrist" & the guy said, "Well, the light was on." & then Scott - Brian's brother - did his impression of a moth which nearly had me on the floor. He basically leaned into a wall & shook vigorously . . . & it made it somehow just a little bit better that on the way home the next day, a moth got into the car, pressed itself into the windshield, & fluttered frantically. Then a guy asked if we wanted to see Jewish fireworks . . . he lit a match & tossed it into the air. The next morning, we all compared stories because we were all divided & hearing different stories & seeing different fun things.Then we sat around lazily, watched TV, talked, & had a nice lunch of leftover cheddarwurst. Then we played the best freaking game of Taboo I've ever played. Which, you know, is not hard in that household. Any game that group of people play has a magnified effect of fun. I haven't quite figured it out yet.
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