John Glover

THE FIRST HALF HOUR
The workshop was from 1 to 5. Unfortunately, I had an appointment for a consultation at 2 & had to leave at 1:30. But I planned to come back. They said it would take about 15 minutes. So I go into the Marder Theatre & wait for John Glover to get there. I had decided that I just wanted to watch. Some people had their monologues for the Mainstage auditions (Monday & Tuesday) prepared & he was going to coach them in their performance. The first girl went up & performed. He asked why she picked the monologue & she said that she had picked it because of the range of emotion & the humour. He looked at her kind of funny & said, "Well, I didn't see any emotion . . . or any humour . . . when was it funny?" I remember thinking that he was so rude & brutal . . . & blunt - are there not any more polite ways to put that? Everyone had been saying he was so nice . . .
Then he explained how you should go into a monologue so smoothly that you challenge the auditor to wonder when you started. He told us:
"I once saw someone prepare to do a monologue & before she started, she did this *drops his head & concentrates* & I said, 'what was that?' & she goes, 'Well, I was dropping in.' You know what I call that? I call that the mental retard look. Because that's what you look like. Don't do that."

THE DENTIST
Shortly after the first performance, I had to slip out & go to the dentist for the consultation. We got there a little before 2 to fill out paperwork & the paperwork was finished by 2. Our appointment was at 2. I was taking time out of a once in a lifetime opportunity for a 15 minute consultation. Out by 2:15, right?
At 2:30, I decided that I wanted a piece of the action, so I looked up my old seduction/rape monologue from The Trial of God & polished it so I knew it again. I wanted to do a southern being stalked monologue from The Star Spangled Girl for the audition, but John had asked about the character when the other girl performed, & I haven't read the Star Spangled Girl.
At 3, we left in an angry huff after making a big deal about our specific appointment time, actually calling in ahead of time to make sure that it wouldn't take too long, & the fact that I was missing something very important. They did NOT charge us the $100 fee for cancelling with less than 24 hours notice.

THE OTHER TWO HOURS
I got back to school a little after three (the hospital is right next to the campus) & walked back into the theatre when I heard that no one was performing. The crowd had thinned & there were few of us left. One gentleman went up to perform a monologue where he was a motivational speaker & John had him tell him what the lines were & as he heard them, he did them. And he did them damn well. Cold. He was brilliant. He said to watch the television evangelists before he performed this monologue again. Then a girl went up & performed a monologue about having tried to kill herself because she wishes she could sink into depression, but she can't she smiles all the time. And she's tired of it. Her jaw hurts. So when she's finished, John says,
"You should smile the whole time. Like this *huge smile* & just do that for the whole thing *pause . . . giggles . . . in a playful little voice:* And I don't know if you knew, but about halfway through, you reached into your shirt & adjusted your bra. Do that a few times too. And cross your legs *crosses his legs, grins, erect posture, adjusts invisible bra strap, giggles*"
The group of us that were left erupted in laughter. And he's pretty good at acting like he's adjusting his bra strap . . . I was actually impressed to realize that he wasn't wearing one.
So she repeated the monologue, heeding his advice & we applauded.
It was about here that it hit me that my impression of him had changed dramatically. He really is a sweetie. And he is only trying to help. He's funny. He's a little odd, but he's funny. So then he goes to the bathroom & people start talking about what's been going on & I hear, "Take his jacket, see if he notices" & I didn't even bother to look over, but I thought they meant take as in steal & hide somewhere, but when John returned, he makes it 4 feet into the room & goes, "Niiice jacket." And for some reason, he says, "What's it smell like?" I decided to announce myself from my little corner of the room, having been so quiet, & simply said, "John Glover." He looked up & gave me a "Smartass . . ." look with just a pinch of "how cute." in it. He got his jacket back & in this creepy voice he goes, "Oh, now it smells like you" & Aaron asks how he smells & John - still with the creepy voice - says, "Gooood." I kept quiet for quite a bit longer. One more performer went & then John looked at me & said, "are you going?" And I said, "I suppose so." He asked if I had time to let this other girl go before me & I said Yes sir with a little smile & he seemed pleased to be called sir. He just stared at me for a bit. Then, after having seen a few people perform monologues from things they didn't know, I whipped out my laptop & looked up & memorized the Star Spangled Girl monologue while the other girl was performing.
I went up & explained that I was torn, but that I would perform the monologue I was leaning toward for the audition. I performed & he said that it was good & he liked what I did with my hands & I should not pace so methodically (a habit of mine) & I asked if it was a bad idea to do a piece with an accent for an audition & he said, "Not if you can do it well." & I asked if I could do it well & he said, "Oh, yeah . . ." When he heard it was from a Niel Simon play, he mentioned that it was a good fit for me because Niel Simon writes very smart things & that I was a very smart individual (Where did he get that?)
Then he asked me to perform the other monologue & I did. He said that I did it well, that the beginning was really good, & again to structure (not stop) the pacing. And stop pacing at the end. When I asked which was better, he said the second one. So that's what I'm doing for my audition. He asked how old I was & when I said I was seventeen, he started laughing. I was pretty confused & said "What?" I kind of figured he was laughing because he thought I was older, but he was really laughing. He said, "Well, I just thought you were much older. You have this air of maturity about you." So that made me smile . . . & he didn't have me redo my monologue, but I was the last one so after that we were just hanging around. There were about five of us & we were just talking. John all of a sudden said, "what's your name" & I told him & a few minutes later, Jay (the department chair) walked in & John goes, "Have you met Ripley?" Which somehow made me feel special. Jay knew me of course & we all talked some more. John tried to do something on his phone & we all looked at him while he complained about a flashing arrow & he didn't understand what it meant.
One of the guys looked up at him & said, "How do you get into character?" John looked up from his phone with this "duh" look on his face & said, "I rehearse." Before we all left, he got his things together & started messing with his beard & looked at the black theatre floor & goes, "Oh my God . . . look at all that dandruff . . . just from my beard . . . it just keeps coming . . . it's snowing!" He truly is bizzar. He gave us all hugs before we left & I headed out to the parking lot. He waved to me as he headed for his car. I drove a drunk mother home.